Share The Light

Dear brother, your problem is as old as polygamy itself.  Maybe six thousand years that we know about. Actually it is a monogamy problem as well. Sure, there have been lots of folks that have struggled in different ways, but few have reported the problem as honestly and bluntly as you have. I really don’t know how to answer your situation as I don’t know the personalities of the two. I will give you some different scenarios and what worked for others.

A certain man married two wives and had children with both of them. One was so abusive to the others children that something needed to be done. He had to find another home and divide his family. Still, the one would hurt her children to get back at him. Finally he had to juggle the children around to where they could be safe and things improved. Gradually life went on and his life became far better. So did the wives lives become better. It seemed to work with them.

Another man married two wives. The first had children but the second did not. The second was so resentful and miserable to the children that she was a danger to them. The man did not know what to do so he practically stayed up night and day to protect them. The second finally left and it was a good riddance as far as I am concerned.

Another man had a wife that would scream at him, curse him in front of his children and actually hit him. She threatened to leave him if he did not do just as she asked. She wanted to dine out, go on weekend trips, get roses everyday and you name it. She must have done nothing but read the goofy romance books and she wanted him to try all that stuff on her.  He worked long and hard to provide for his family and was exhausted more than not. If he didn’t comply with her wishes she would tear off in the car and he would have to go find her. Finally, he told her she may just as well leave and get it over with. That was no way to live. Guess what?  She left, didn’t like it, came home and started helping him raise their family.

Another couple wanted to have a sister come into the family. Finally it happened for them. The poor first wife wondered why on earth she had ever wanted a sister wife because she was no longer the center of the man’s world. It just didn’t seem as exciting as she had imagined it would be when the bedroom door shut and her husband was in there with another woman, his other wife.  She fretted, blubbed, read a romance book and tormented herself about what was going on. When the other lady was pregnant she had a fit, was offish, miserable, felt ugly, and a host of other feelings. She was none of the above. One night at midnight she called her Bishop and asked, “how do you keep from being jealous”?  I looked at the clock and asked her to just put it off until tomorrow and then call me back. I asked her if she had a child that she could go crawl in bed with and if so then thank God for that beautiful child, remember her faith, who she was, and let her own heart expand and God will bless her. She never called me back but next time I saw her she had a smile on her face and the two of them along with the busy guy that they married have been a good chapter in fundamentalist living.

Still, another past midnight call from a sobbing woman in a family of three woman. This woman was feeling humiliated because one of her “sisters” had thought that she had been having sex with her husband.  “So do I think that”, I said, “you have children”.  Her response was “oh wow, that is not what I meant”.  “I don’t think that any couple that have children need to be trying to hide the fact that they have had sex a time or two”, I told her.  Anyway, I told her to go have a drink of water, blow her nose, check on her children and go to sleep. In the morning she should get up and help with breakfast and get the kids off to school. Seemed to work for her as well.

I am sorry to bore you with all of this but try something different. If your folks need different homes then do it. Protect your children.  Most people that start laying down the law to their husbands and other family members are just looking for a reason to leave. Help them leave, make the best of the situation you have, and live in peace.  It really is worth it.

I don’t know what other groups have done along the way in the marrying department but I do know that in our group it was many times a miracle if a person even got married at all. I spent a lot of my time in the ministry trying to help those who thought that they had fallen through the cracks and would never be noticed.

I recall reading in the sermons recorded in the Journals about something along those lines being said by some of the old brethren. It seemed to me that it was in reference to the life hereafter though. It was along the lines that if a wife was unfaithful in this life then there were plenty in the other life that would be thankful for a husband, and I am sure that he said “all you want”.

It has been my observation over the years that there have been many folks that had far more wives than they wanted, or that wanted them, and many men and women should have just stayed single.

That is a good question. I have wondered all my life why it was that a wayward member was ostracized and a wayward investigator was nurtured, encouraged, worked with and forgiven. It kind of gives meaning to the statement that an apostate is just another groups convert. Back to the question.

Eighteen comes kind of fast in a young persons life. That is when they are expected to be adults but many of them are not. In our Province anyone that is sixteen and has consent of their parents can go down to the Government Agent office and get a marriage license. Nothing is bigger than that but really in the mind of many people they are just children, or underage husbands or wives. But, they are married and that implies that they are smart enough to make their own decisions doesn’t it? Eighteen year olds and nineteen year olds are still teenagers, but society says that is the time of their lives that they are their own person. I agree!

I am having some issues with a couple of my teenagers right now. Actually some of the older kids as well. You see, I am kind of a freak myself in that I want my children to be modestly dressed when they come around me. I want their friends that come to visit them to be dressed modestly as well. I want my visitors to do that as well. I think that because it is my home(s), yard, lot, my space, then if I ask that of my children then they should obey. Some don’t want to so I have told them that when they turn eighteen I want to help them move out. I mean it! I need the space and besides it may be a good experience for them to have to make a rent payment, vehicle payment, power bill, telephone payment, mortgage payment, buy some groceries, insurance and all the rest of the stuff that my paycheck must do. Oh yea, Sunday dinner, field trips, hockey games and a trip to the Dairy Queen from time to time. They can buy their own gas, clothes, and basically have their own life. In their own home I suppose that they can dress naked if they choose, stay up all night with their friends watching movies and sleep in until they are fired. If perhaps I ever happen to go visit them then I have no plans on making them uncomfortable in their space, and if they join the nudists and want their visitors to be naked then I will simply not visit them.

I think everyone should learn to have enough respect for their immediate circumstances to live so that no one will not be wanting to have them around. As a dad with lots of big kids I can tell you that I love them all and I have no plans on having them dictate my life any longer than I have to put up with. If they need to move out cause they are smarter than dad, and they are old enough to know how to meet my minimum requirements but choose not too, then I am going to help them go.

I think that if you looked into our history you could actually believe that some kind of religious evolution exists. In the first place the Prophet Joseph was learning himself and trying to teach a bunch of people from all religious walks of life that they must live the gospel individually in order to obtain salvation. He prepared the Lectures on Faith which were once the Doctrine part of the Doctrine and Covenants. Problem was that had they stayed in the Doctrine and Covenants the Mormon faith would have a great stretch accepting the Prophet Joseph as what he was. I guess that is why you must follow the living prophet now days. That is the FLDS theme. The Prophet Joseph emphatically declared that God does not change and there is no variation in Him. Mormon Fundamentals have certainly changed, and it is the same with every group that claim to be fundamentalist Mormons.

Who holds the keys is the cry? We have it in the Church! No you don’t cause we have it in our group! No, you apostatized and we have it, just ask this ex wife or son or daughter or holy man or woman! The keys came this way and that, by inspiration or speaking in tongues, or because somebody wanted their nasty son or brother to be the next key holder that they came up with every plan possible to make it happen. Just take a minute and think about all this.

Every attempt that was possible was got up to try and get the plates from Joseph. God still protected them because He was determined that the sacred record would not fall into the hands of wicked men. Only a few people got to look at them. First they were shown to three people who were witnesses. Next eight were shown them. Counting the translator that makes a dozen that actually looked at the treasured record. All the rest of us get to read the translation and make the judgment for ourselves. We as individuals must make that individual decision that the record is either true or false and that is the grand key. Use the same test on would be key holders. Do they act like Christ? Are they honest? Do they have mercy and good judgement? Do the words they teach contradict the words and writings of the undisputed prophets of yesteryear? The great honor bestowed upon humble, persecuted, driven, lonely, reviled servants of God, from God, came at a time when they had passed the test that God had put them through.

No amount of naysayers will ever make something that is true into something that is false. No amount of yeasayers will ever make something that is false into a truth! So it is with all other principles of the gospel. You must study them, test them, check them out with the teachings of Christ, line them up with what God has already said, and then when you have tested them and found them to be either true or false, it is you that holds the key that can unlock their use or uselessness in your life. Everyone else is just the singing of the choir!

So it is with key holders. Mormons have succeeded in making the titles “Prophet” and “Priesthood Key Holder” into something distasteful . There have been dozens of useless people of many different generations that have done nothing good in exchange for the years they have been admired. Why is it so? Probably because it is easier in Mormondom to just follow along with the herd than take the time to do what all Mormons should be doing. Using their keys to unlock the doors that lead them back into the presence of God.

That is a question and a half. I could go to the writings of Paul in the Bible and make just about every woman mad, or I could direct you to some of the sermons of the First Presidency of the 1850’s that would make any liberated woman, or unliberated one, just as mad. Or maybe I could reference the Prophet Joseph, who speaking to the Relief Society one time, outlined the responsibility of the members to be virtuous and be a support to their husbands. Still, perhaps I could quote the lament of Isaiah that talked of children being the oppressors and woman ruling over them! Or maybe I could just tell you what I think.

I have known some of the finest women that have ever been born. They have come along in all shapes and sizes, and from all different kinds of people. If they have been sweet and faithful they have been ridiculed as being brainwashed, servants, duped and the host of other things said of them. If thrifty and pleasant they have drawn yet more criticism. If they are busy they are considered slaves, if they go to church and value their cultural identification they are wierdos, or male dominated, or unable to think for themselves.

No one that commits adultery likes a faithful virtuous person. No one who can cope with jealousy is praised by the folks that are insanely jealous. No woman who loves children can be admired by those who hate children. No two woman that love the same man, bare his children, help in his economic structure, share his ups and downs, his joys and sorrows, will ever be considered anything more than slaves or oppressed by the host of nasty people who have no decent moral foundation. Most of the people who have raised such a cry against our faith think nothing of adultery, fault finding, cursing, fornication and every other abuse known to the devil. You are right, there are so many more kinds of abuse, and the biggest of all is judging your neighbor using your own personal unfaithfulness as your guide.